Tapping into the Divine Feminine

I love my tomboy tendencies. They’re a huge part of who I am and I embrace them. But lately I’ve been craving more feminine in my life too. Being one of the guys is a safe place for me. It’s great, but it’s well within my comfort zone. Stepping more into the feminine is out of my comfort zone and therefore also aligned with something I’m working on this year – taking bigger risks.

What I’m longing for is not just femininity for femininity’s sake, but rather tapping into the Divine Feminine.  To me the divine feminine includes the full spectrum of timeless female energy and can show up in all different shapes and forms, genders, sexualities, etc. The common thread is that it’s really real. It’s deep, vulnerable, mysterious, raw, intuitive, bold, magnetic, compelling, and healing. It draws you in with its irresistible beauty, magic, and power.

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I declared 2014 my year of intentionally tapping into and coaxing out my own divine feminine – kicking and screaming if needed – while also actively seeking it out in other women. Not surprisingly, the universe smiled, nodded, and coughed up a handful of opportunities. Looking back, the first quarter of this year has been all about the feminine for me. Here are some examples.

Joyus

don’t know a damned thing about online shopping. And I’m hardly an expert when it comes to fashion. So, naturally I was caught off guard when online shopping network, Joyus, invited me to be a guest on their talk show. Luckily, it was for a life organization segment and I got to present my simplify, prioritize, clarify philosophy. Being surrounded by fashion and beauty experts definitely put me outside my comfort zone, but I think I managed to be myself and just own it, because most of the feedback I’ve gotten was that I came across as authentic and grounded. The experience strengthened my resolve to start making my own videos (which I’ve been putting off for months because it feels like a big huge scary risk.) Here’s the clip, if you haven’t seen it yet. 

Spinsters

As you may have noticed I get pretty fired up about public speaking. Over the holidays, I was asked to be a featured speaker at a Spinsters general meeting. I felt totally confident about my talk but being in a room full of dolled up girls made me hyper aware of how out of touch I’ve been with my own feminine side the past five years while working in fitness. It felt good to just notice this without judging it. As I was standing at the podium at the front of a room with 100+ young women staring back me, I took the opportunity to soak in as much of that uniquely female energy as I could.

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Electric Woman

My good friend Nikki Armytage, whom I’ve written about before, asked me to co-lead a handful of calls with her for Electric Woman this spring. We’ve only just begun this journey and the connections happening in this group of smart and ambitious women are already blowing me away. When you create a sacred space and ask for vulnerability, magic happens. Can’t wait to see how it all unfolds. I suspect I’ll learn a lot from them these next few months. Nikki’s work is going to take the world by storm, by the way. I’m sure of it. Keep an eye out for her book.

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Red Heart Collective

When I was asked by Heather Spurrell, who I’ve been admiring from afar for ages, to be one of the original contributors in her digital magazine I was excited, since Real Women Whole People is very much aligned with everything I stand for. Then, when I saw the names of the other contributors, I was humbled. To be included amongst the likes of Amy Smith of Joy Junkie fame, who is a total badass, and Karen Kimsey-House, co-founder of CTI and one of the pioneers of the coaching industry, felt like a tremendous honor. My piece is called Unleash the Beast and can be found on page 16. Click the image below to hunt it down.

Real Women Whole People

So, my year of tapping into the divine feminine is off to a pretty good start. And I crave lots more. I want more badass women in my life to learn from, grow with, and look up to. I want to see more and more of my own feisty femme come out to play. I want to explore all the mystery and the power that being a woman has to offer and see what happens when I do.

 

 

Charging the Batteries that Power My Dream Life

A few weeks ago, I was working with one of my coaches to design an ideal day in my dream life. As we uncovered the elements that would make up a typical day where I’m living on purpose, making choices that are aligned with my values, and being intentional about how I spend my time, I remembered how important it is to me to have energy.

To have the kind of intense and grounded energy I need to live my dream life I need to charge my batteries often. This is something I’m working on a lot right now.

Today, for example:

I charged my professional battery with an edgy coaching session outdoors, where we drew inspiration and ideas from our natural surroundings to move her forward. I feel lucky to be able to count my work as something that lights me up.

I charged my physical battery by running for 50 minutes up to Coit Tower and back, stretching and strengthening my body, filling my lungs with fresh air, enjoying the feeling of my blood pumping through my veins, and connecting to the expansiveness and limitlessness of the view from up top.

I charged my mental battery during my run by listening to a free webinar on cultivating an entrepreneurial mindset while doing work you love that has a big positive impact on the world, and I walked away with a sense of calm, clarity, and fierce determination.

I charged my spiritual battery by lighting a candle, listening to a World Beat station on Pandora, and taking some time to breathe into stillness, quiet, and gratitude.

Other days I might be more focused on charging my intellectual, social, or emotional batteries. It varies from day to day.

We can charge our batteries in a number of ways, of course. Putting just a little focus or attention onto an area of my life tends to create more energy there. Taking bold inspired action creates energy. Forming habits around healthy activities and meaningful rituals can create energy. 

I charge my iPhone every night when I sleep, but also in my car while I drive, and often while working on my laptop. Why not do the same with these other batteries? What if I can build opportunities into my day to regularly be charging my batteries so that I am able to maintain a high level of energy, which not only keeps me growing and thriving, but also spreads beyond me and energizes those with whom I come into contact? 

How to Kick Ass at Public Speaking

Most people hate it. A few of us love it. Many jobs require it and being good at it can open a lot of doors. Why not learn to kick ass at it? Here is my take on how.

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Embrace your fear

Fear shows up in some shape or form, usually nerves, for most of us when we know we’re going to speak in front of a group. Being nervous is normal and healthy. Embrace it. Find a way to move through it, dance with it, or harness it. It’s just energy. Let it empower you. If you have rituals or practices that help you get grounded, use them.

Be authentic

As the Chinese proverb says, “Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” Let go of the ideas you have about what a person is supposed to look, act, and sound like when speaking in public and just talk. The harder you try to be someone or something else, the more obvious it is to the audience and the less interesting you are to listen to.

Know your why

If you don’t know why you’re up there, the audience won’t either. Be clear on your purpose for giving the talk. Are you there to entertain? To educate? To inspire? What is your message? Keep your content simple and focus on one core theme or idea. Help your listeners understand why it’s meaningful to you.

Don’t memorize every word

There are lots of techniques you can use to remember what you want to cover (use a powerpoint presentation, refer to an outline, use note cards, memorize the outline etc.) but memorizing every word of a speech is rarely the way to go. It just doesn’t sound natural. Know the story instead. Understand the emotional journey you want to take your audience on, but don’t memorize every word.

Slow down

Slow everything down – your words, your breathing, your hand gestures, your facial expressions. We inevitably speed up when nervous so do your best to consciously slow down your speech. This also gives you time to think. After making an important point, pause to allow it to land. The more relaxed and grounded you seem up there, the more relaxed and grounded your audience will feel.

Use natural body language

Move in a way that is authentic to you. If you are expressive and talk with your hands, do that. If you are pretty laid back and don’t move around a lot, do that. The point is, find something that feels right for you, rather than trying to move how you think you’re supposed to move. Some of the best talks I’ve seen were delivered by speakers who barely moved at all. Turn up the dial on your own energy to engage the crowd, but avoid being fake.

Be aware of your breath and voice

Breathe. If you are running out of breath, the audience will feel like they are running out of breath. Consciously slowing down and controlling your breathing will improve many things about your delivery and your own experience. Take advantage of the full range, volume, and tone of your voice to bring your listeners into the emotional experience of your story. Your voice is an extremely powerful instrument. Learn to use it intentionally.

Be present and read the room

When you are grounded and present, you are better able to read the room and detect the subtle shifts happening in the energy in the room. If you are caught up in your own story or obsessively worrying what people might think, you probably won’t notice that the back of the room has checked out. By being completely in the moment, you can better sense what’s going on around you, and adjust your presentation accordingly.

Invest in the process, then let go of the outcome

Prepare. Practice. Then practice some more. Really invest in the process. Then, as soon as you walk onto the stage let go of the outcome and just have fun. Trust that you’ve put in the work and will find the words. Tap into your authentic self and speak from your heart. Let go of getting it right and looking good. Be flexible and open to whatever comes up.

If you end up using any of these tips, I would love to hear how it goes. Leave a comment or send me a note.

The Possing Manifesto

You always have a choice.

Take radical responsibility for every part of your life.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. Respect their journey and live yours.

Be present. Be grateful. See the beauty all around you.

Don’t fear your emotions, feel them.

You are a feisty beast. Run wild and be free.

Every day is an adventure. Play hard.

There is nothing more badass than being who you are. Own it.

Stand tall, make good eye contact, and speak up. Your voice matters.

Be courageous. Fail gloriously. Let go of looking good and getting it right.

Clarity and self-awareness are key. Know who you are and what you want.

Prioritize self-care. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

Live on purpose. Seek aliveness.

Create more than you consume.

Invest in the process. Let go of the outcome.

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Speak your truth.

Ask for help when you need it.

Replace judgment with curiosity. Replace jealousy with inspiration.

Respond intentionally, instead of reacting defensively.

Take bold action. Action creates energy. You can course correct later.

Never assume. Just ask. Keep it simple.

Come from a place of love, compassion, and respect. Always.

Be authentic, vulnerable, and real. Connect genuinely.

Do meaningful work. Work hard but hack life and be smart.

Be a resource. Be helpful. Be kind. Be generous.

You CAN change the world. Go do it.

I wrote this manifesto for The Twenty-One Day Momentum Challenge

You Always Have a Choice

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You have a choice. In every moment. You get to choose how to be, how to show up, and what kind of human you want to be right now.

When you see, hear, or experience something you don’t like you have a choice.

You can do nothing and complain about it later. You can speak up, right then and there. You can try to change it. You can try to understand it. You can forget about it and move on. Your choices are endless. But the choice you make is yours. And it’s part of what you are creating for yourself (and for the rest of us.)

Some of your choices will be very important. Life changing, even. Some of the choices you make will seem inconsequential. Meaningless, perhaps, in the bigger picture. But, regardless of the gravity of the choice at hand… make it intentional. Don’t choose out of habit or fear. That is simply reacting to life. That is living on autopilot.

Instead, respond to life. Choose how to be. How to show up. How to live.

You can’t always control what is happening to you or what is happening around you, but you can choose how to respond, how to think about it, how to talk about it, or what to do with the information.

You always have a choice.

Your choice may impact the people around you. Your choice might make someone’s day. Or ruin it. Your choice might set you up for success in the future. Or failure. Your choice matters and you matter. It’s important. It’s who you are.

Own that. Respect that.

I challenge you to really know and remember that you always have a choice and to take radical responsibility for the impact of every single one.

What is Life Coaching and Why Do I Need It?

Other than the “how is coaching different than therapy” question (which I’ll address in a later post), these are the two questions I get asked the most. 

What is Life Coaching?

Life coaching is a process that guides you to a deeper understanding of who you are and what you’re all about. Coaching helps you identify your strengths, values, dreams, goals, and life purpose. It is an inspiring, empowering, and insightful journey.

In a coaching session, you are the expert. The coach asks you powerful questions. The coach listens intently not only to the words you say, but the words you don’t say, all the while taking in your tone, facial expressions, body language, and energy and tapping into their intuition to pick up on the subtler details.

Coaches have an extensive toolkit to help you access your own brilliance, let go of limiting beliefs, face fears, and move through challenges. This video illustrates the journey rather simply and elegantly.


One of my favorite aspects of the relationship is the safe space that is created by designing an alliance based on trust and non-judgment. It’s an incredible feeling to be so heard and so seen by another human being. You have full permission to be completely real and imperfect and vulnerable.

In addition to massively expanding self-awareness, another huge part of the process is taking action. Once you have clarity around what you want, your coach can help you design a plan, set goals, and stay focused. We give homework (which you co-design with us) and we also like to throw outrageous challenges at you from time to time to encourage you to think big and step out of your comfort zone. It’s exhilarating.

Why Do I Need It?

I often get asked who hires me and what types of “issues” they have. Let me be clear. You don’t need life coaching because you are broken. As coaches, we believe that you are naturally resourceful, creative, and whole. You don’t need to be fixed.

You also don’t have to have a problem or issue to solve. In fact, many people who hire coaches are doing just fine. Oftentimes, they’re already kicking some serious ass. What they seek is even greater success and fulfillment.

Working with a coach is a great way to tackle a specific challenge, although the topic at hand is oftentimes more of a gateway through which we access deeper parts of your being that affect every area of your life.

Coaching can help you get unstuck, get out of your own way, get clear on your vision or dream life, and get you moving quickly in that direction. Coaching can guide you to aliveness, relaxing into your authentic self, and to living an intentional life aligned with your deepest values. I’ve watched people transform into more grounded, more fully expressed, and more vibrant versions of themselves. It’s as if they shed layer after layer of bullshit and each layer reveals more of what’s true. Eric Schmidt articulates it well here.


Personally, I agree that everybody needs a coach. But, here are a few more examples of when it’s especially helpful. You should consider hiring a coach if you are ready to stop being a victim of circumstance, reacting to the world around you, and feeling helpless or stuck. You should consider hiring a coach if you are ready to take responsibility for your thoughts, behavior, and happiness.

And you should consider hiring a coach if you simply want to grab your life by the balls and be even more awesome than you already are.

My Top 10 Core Values

When I honor my values I feel grounded, vibrant, and alive. When I don’t honor my values, I feel imbalanced and uneasy. Sometimes even physically uncomfortable. 

I believe that getting clear on our core values and honoring them is an integral part of the journey to living a happy, fulfilling life. In order to honor our values, of course, we need to know what they are. In an effort to become crystal clear on my own values, I finally compiled a list. 

Here are my top 10 core values (in no particular order) and what they mean to me:

1. Clarity – know who I am, what I want, what I’m about, and why I’m here

2. Self awareness – know myself intimately (strengths, weaknesses, passions, quirks)

3. Authenticity – be unapologetically me, vulnerable, raw, and real and own it completely

4. Personal freedom – be in charge of my own experience, know I always have a choice

5. Radical responsibility –  be 100% responsible for my thoughts, actions, and impact

6. Radical honesty – say what I mean and mean what I say, be direct, and be clear

7. Respect – let go of judgment, be curious, be compassionate, accept others as they are

8. Connection – seek out, embrace, create genuine connections with others, soul to soul

9. Simplicity – let go of what isn’t serving me to create space for what’s most important 

10. Adventure – choose to make my life an adventure every day, spread joy, be playful

This list will continue to evolve as I do. But understanding what I deeply believe guides me to actively create a life aligned with who I am. When I take a wrong turn, I simply refer back to my core values, reevaluate, then course correct.

Through this process, I am learning to 1) quickly recognize when my values are being stepped on,  2) calmly set boundaries and stand up for myself, and 3) be true to myself most, if not all, of the time.