After a 12 hour direct flight from Sweden back to SF, Chris and I crashed into bed at 8pm last night. When I woke up at 5am this morning (oh hey, jetlag!) I was reflecting on my biggest takeaways from our month long trip in Europe (Spain and Sweden).
The biggest one was how much I sucked at setting boundaries while we were there!
Luckily, I can see exactly where I failed, and am thrilled to have that awareness, so that I can learn from it, and do better next time. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’m obsessed with growth and learning, and love to celebrate failures because they are simply part of the process.
I’m sharing this with you today, because I want you to be an absolute badass at setting – and maintaining – your boundaries, regardless of the circumstances. Learn from my mistakes!
Okay, back to my story. Having traveled through 11 countries for 10 months in 2016-17 and run my business that whole time, I know I can work and travel at the same time. What I neglected to account for this time, however, was that I would be juggling not just work and travel but also a very intense social schedule. Good problem to have, I know! Haha.
For 2.5 weeks in Spain, we were traveling with my husband’s family and a group of 30+ other people (the families of colleagues of my father-in-law). We spent time in Barcelona, San Sebastian, Bilbao, Toledo, and Madrid.
During that time, there were day trips, big dinners, happy hours in hotel lobbies, so many tapas and pintxos and bottles of wine, late nights dancing in the bars until 3am, and lots of world cup soccer watching get togethers. The family friends we were with, who we typically only see every 2 years, are from the US, Sweden, Australia, Japan, and Israel. And I wanted to spend as much time as possible with everyone!
Once we arrived in Sweden, where we spent the last 10 days of our trip, we were with family and friends the whole time, including my two brothers and their wives and my 6 nephews! Needless to say, there was a LOT of intense time spent socializing and catching up with important people.
I was able to squeeze in 10+ client calls and keep up with some other work stuff, but what I did NOT do was honor some of my personal self care needs. I am an introvert and need lots of solo down time in order to recharge my batteries. I also like to get lots of sleep and exercise. Staying on top of emails (inbox zero baby!) makes me feel organized and calm. These are the things that fell between the cracks.
My FOMO (fear of missing out) and desire to feel included and to belong were strong and on many occasions I ignored the wise whisper of my gut telling me to take a break, rest, or do some work.
The impact was that about halfway through the trip I started to feel very depleted, tired, and a bit socially anxious. At first I was annoyed at myself and felt a little shame that I was being so self conscious and awkward. It felt like an old, outdated version of me that I thought I had let go of long ago. Wtf?!
Then it hit me – BOUNDARIES! I’m not setting boundaries. And not honoring some of my own basic needs. Once I understood that, I made a few small adjustments and voila! Back to normal.
So, my biggest takeaway was that holy crap, just because I’m great at setting boundaries when I’m home doesn’t always translate to other situations. Next time I travel, I’ll make sure to prioritize those basic self care needs.
Another takeaway was that while I love working while doing slow travel, I’d actually prefer not to work that much when I’m visiting family or on intensely social trips. Next time I’ll simply take a few weeks off of work in order to create space for all people related stuff.
Prioritizing self care and setting boundaries are a crucial part of showing up as your best self.
Learn how to do that well, even when your circumstances change, such as during a vacation or outside of your usual routines, and you will train yourself to operate at an even higher level – being more efficient and productive, WHILE also feel more calm and fulfilled.
Get clear on what’s important to you and practice saying yes and no in a way that supports you showing up as your best self. Then practice honoring those boundaries even in different situations when other factors are at play.