Living Your Life From The Inside Out

Most of us are doing it all wrong. We’re living our lives from the outside in, when really life wants to be lived from the inside out.

The outside-in approach is a source of constant stress and anxiety. It’s understandable that we ended up here. At this place of confusion, overwhelm, and constant struggle. We’ve been conditioned by our surroundings, our peers, our well-meaning but sometimes equally confused parents and communities to look outside of ourselves for all the answers.

That’s the paradigm that most of the modern world (at least the Western world) lives in. (I would argue that the Eastern world has – and has always had – a much better grip on this topic.)

I want to challenge you to flip that paradigm on its head. To awaken to the incredible power you have within you to create your own reality and be in charge of (not necessarily in control) of how you experience the world around you.

Let me illustrate my point with some examples.

When you are living from the outside in, you:

• seek the approval of others define your value as a human being, and consequently your own sense of worthiness
• measure your success by the magnitude of your external achievements are constantly trying to prove yourself (and your worth) to the outside world
• compare yourself to others, because everything is a competition and if you’re not winning you are losing, and therefore “less than”
• feel unsure about who you are and/or what you want because you’ve been too busy trying to do and be what you thought you were supposed to do and be
• are stressed, overwhelmed, or burned out because you’re saying yes when you mean no, or no when you mean yes and are stretched too thin to take care of yourself or recharge
• are either worrying about the future (anxiety) or obsessing about the past (regret) and/or have mostly negative emotions throughout the day

When you are living from the inside out, you instead:

• choose to love and accept yourself, fiercely, and release the need for external validation
• measure your success by your willingness to try and fail, your commitment to continued growth and learning, and by being a kind and a good-hearted person who has compassion for others
• train yourself to focus on your own priorities, and if you feel jealousy arising you  celebrate their success, and use it to inspire your own commitment to your goals
• are so grounded and accepting of yourself that you can focus your attention outward and be present during opportunities to connect with others
• are doing the inner work to know yourself and your desires intimately, and then are calmly moving and growing toward those goals and dreams
• prioritize self-care, set strong boundaries, communicate clearly and very intentionally choose how you spend your time, energy, and other resources, leaving you a feeling of inner peace and balance while still being productive and efficient.
• plan for the future and learn from the past, but spend most of your time in the present and know how to manage your emotions, and experience mostly positive feelings through the day

Can you relate to any of the above? Are you living mostly from the outside in or from the inside out? If you are admitting to yourself that you’re mostly outside in, it’s time to let that shit go. Seriously. It’s making life so much more painful and complicated than it needs to be.

So take my hand and come join me in the inside out. (Sounds almost like a Stranger Things reference to the upside-down, haha!) I’m not there 100% of the time (I doubt anyone is) but it’s where I spend most of my time these days and I can teach you how.

It takes work and patience. You have to practice. There will be discomfort. You’ll need to retrain your brain and untangle a pile of stinky old habits, but it’s absolutely possible.

And the rewards are delightful.

Not only will you start to feel a blissful sense of inner peace and calm, but you’ll start to be able to manage your own energy and emotions with the power of your mind. It feels like some sort of spooky magic. Basically, you become the wizard of your own magical world.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about being delusional or ignoring the facts and science of the world around you. I’m talking about teaching yourself to see the same world that everyone else is living in and looking at through a completely new set of eyes, with a heart full of self-love and gratitude, and an unquenchable curiosity and passion for life.

It’s awesome. Come and play. Want support with this? I’d love to help.

Originally published November 20, 2017. Revised and republished September 4, 2020.