I think I’ve reached a tipping point ⚖️
And I think I’ve been waiting for this moment for years.
It’s the moment when my desire (or rather NEED) for self expression finally became bigger than my fear of judgment 😌
Examples –
I’m so ready for my first tattoo.
Obvi need to wait until post baby.
Which is fine, because it’ll probably take me forever to pick an artist, so I bet the timing will be perfect in the end.
I’ll likely get not just one to start, but two. I can already feel them on my body.
I’ve never had anything against tattoos, but I honestly never thought I’d get one.
For one reason and one reason only.
Because of what certain family members would likely think. (And my lingering childhood desire to not disappoint them.)
It just hit me that… I no longer care 🙌
Or rather, I’m at peace with letting them think whatever they think.
That fear was like the symbolic final frontier for me.
After years of inner work and countless wobbles it’s like..
I’ve reached the point where my fullest self-expression now feels edgy but non-negotiable.
And my old fears of judgment feel… like silly whispers from the past.
Do I have to get tattoos to express myself?
No.
Do I simply want to?
Yes.
Did I need to get a boob job at age 41 to express myself?
No.
Did I simply want to? 🥥🥥
Yup.
It was just for me.
Well, and I guess also for anyone else who enjoys them from afar (or close up with my consent) ha 😉
Side note: This remains one of my favorite decisions I’ve ever made. I love them so much! Now they’re getting even bigger while I’m pregnant and I’m not mad about it. One of my friends wisely pointed out the other day “you’ve always been a big tittie girl at heart” and I was like you are not wrong.
Every time I see my nose ring (which I’ve had for 20+ years) I think hell ya love that. Makes my little punk rock rebel heart light up🤘
I’ve been getting louder and louder about my sexuality lately. Chris jokingly said I’m in my lesbian era the other day haha 💁🏻♀️
But it’s so striking to me. The more proud and out I am about being bisexual the more whole I feel and the more my libido revs up and the healthier I feel in my body 🌈🔥
Whether it’s tattoos or body modifications or embracing my queerness or the words I say out lout or the words I write on the internet…
Hiding is no longer an option.
Censoring is off the table.
Playing small literally makes me feel sick 🤢
Holding back makes me want to cry.
And that’s a beautiful thing.
Because it’s forcing me out of my cage and into the arena.
Where I feel naked and wild and free.
Which, as it turns out, is my most deeply desired state ❤️🔥
The more I speak my truth the more alive I feel.
The more I commit to uncensorimg myself the more liberated I feel.
The more I dare to let it all hang out, the more my nervous system relaxes and I can calmly sink into the truth of who I am.
All those old fears of being judged or criticized or rejected… 😔
While they still whisper to me, they’ve started to feel more like an irritating mental hangnail.
What claws and screams at me internally now instead?
Is the awful feeling I get when I’m holding back.
If I tone myself down now I feel like I’ll explode 💥
When I don’t say what I want to say I feel my skin start to crawl.
Leaning into my full expression in every way is no longer just something that I want.
It’s what I need.
It’s like oxygen.
And the more I feed myself this oxygen the more I can’t imagine not helping others do the same.